my last dangerous game of solitaire

the sacrifice the 19-year old made delivered the results today.

and 14-year old memories came unbidden

1. kalachuchis swiped from the neighbor's tree
2. dancing in zu (gaaak, when disco was still hot)
3. coming home early from the US to see me off to bontoc
4. a green ribbon during the SEA games
5. exchanged braids
6. silver ID bracelet and matching college rings
7. lunches at makati sports club
8. luneta, world youth day 1995
9. once on this island
10. a&w rootbeer floats

the 33-year old is amazed at the ability of the 19-year's heart to love beyond what a heart is capable of loving.

at 19, she gave him what he wanted, because it meant the world to him.
and she wanted this day to happen, because he wanted this day to happen.

there you go, God. he's all yours.
he loves me, but he loves You more.

one liners

lots of thoughts floating around my head. need to pin them down and shake them off so can move on with the rest of my life.

• i seem to find new and innovative ways of humiliating myself in front of you (during a late night phone call after one measly mojito).
• all the what if's have been answered and i have done everything humanly possible and i am slow to accept that it is all out of my hands now (after one last good self-absorbed cry. last na talaga)
• there are loads of much better ways of earning a living (after one idiotic email too many)
• i remember how i lost that earring (after a three-year disappearing act)

i just need a nap. on the beach. under the shade of a tree. on a really sunny day. with the wind blowing. slathered in suntan oil. in a really nice bikini. with a flat stomach. and thin arms.